How to meet the guys you want, for what you want

If you’re looking for a bit of fun, to meet new people, or you’re looking for someone to get cosy and watch Netflix with, how do you ensure you’re going about it the best way? Hook up apps can be great if you want to, well….. hook up. But what if you’re wanting something other than sex?

Joe spends 2-3 hours a day on Grindr. He gets plenty of sex, but then feels down the next day when they don’t text or message. He tells his friends ‘Grindr seems like the obvious way to meet guys, that’s where everyone is and there’s always someone available- but they are never interested in seeing me again.’

Nico was after sex with kink, but wasn’t great at expressing himself on apps, so started to access his local meet up coffee group for men in soho in the hope that he might meet someone that way. He found it frustrating as the guys he was flirting with didn’t seem keen, and the ones he had hooked up with weren’t into the same things as him sexually.

Andre has just moved to London for work and doesn’t know many people. He’s been hooking up with guys through apps but feels lonely on weekends unless he’s at chillouts. He’d like to make new friends in London but doesn’t know where to start.

Nico, Joe and Andre are all looking for what they want in the least effective place. Not finding what they want is making them feel bad, and they are left wondering why people don’t seem interested and taking it personally.

At Dean Street we have so many conversations with men who tell us that they use apps to hook up but don’t find what they want there. They tell us that this makes them lose confidence that such people even exist. Prompted by this, and by the launch of the new BeBoyz app (a new and innovative way to meet new LGBT+ friends who share your interests), we decided to write a guide to meeting the guys you want, for what you want.

How to meet the guys you want, for what you want

Think about your life right now. Are you wanting ….

  • no strings sex with causal partners?
  • regular sex with known casual partners?
  • building friendships and finding ways to fill your time?
  • a relationship ?
  • a mixture of the above?

Whichever it is, remember that there’s not just one way to make it happen. In fact, a bit like the guys above, there’s a good chance that the strategy that you use to meet people will make a difference to how successful you are at getting what you really want.

Choices, choices, choices

Have a think about how you’ve been going about getting what you want so far. Are the places you are currently looking the best ways to meet others who want the same thing?

People that are in a 1 mile radius of you and might be perfect for 1 night if it’s convenience you are after, but what if you want to meet someone you connect with over more than location and being online at the same time?

Research has found that a large proportion of men who use Grindr are not looking for sex but looking for something else. If this is you- perhaps it’s time to change strategy?

Depending on your preference for meeting first online or face to face, there are loads of other options, from a range of meet ups to social and sports groups* to apps more focused on dating than sex. (e.g. Hinge and Chappy)

We’re excited by the BeBoyz app as it’s a convenient way to meet people who share your hobbies, sports and pastimes, develop friendships based on things you’re into and start new friendships. If you’re looking for more than sex, meeting others through having things in common is a great start to having more of a connection.