What if he doesn’t want to use condoms? How to discuss the sex you want.

The enjoyment and excitement of a sexual encounter can sometimes lead to men letting their guard down. It can be difficult to bring up condoms in the heat of passion. If the guy you are with says he doesn’t want to use them, you might feel like you have no choice but to go along with it.

Confidence in your sexual choices is key to negotiating condom use. Being informed about how HIV and sexually transmitted infections are passed on and knowing what level of risk you are happy with will make it easier to tell your partner what you want and don’t want.

If you know you want to use condoms, be prepared to say no if a guy wants bareback sex. You can offer alternatives to anal sex or be clear that you are only using condoms.

Being upfront before you get to the bedroom helps too. Letting a guy know you want sex with condoms early on saves difficult discussions when you’re getting undressed. It also helps remove any anxieties or fears you might have about safe sex.

Confidence is key and some men feel that they lack the confidence or self-esteem to mention condoms. If you need help and advice negotiating condom use, there are a range of support services in London that can help you: https://www.gmfa.org.uk/prevention-support-services

The GMFA website has information about the risks involved with different kinds of sex: https://www.gmfa.org.uk/Pages/Category/how-risky-is